Ideal Getaway

I haven't done one of these in forever, so what better time than right now?

'If you had unlimited funds, where would you go for a getaway?'

This falls in line with a question like 'if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?'.  Because who has time for an ideal getaway if you have responsibilities at home?  Of course, it all depends on your definition of getaway.  Is it a weekends away?  Is it a week, or month away?  

Thinking of a getaway, one might think of going to a far distant country.  For Americans, I think that most of us would contemplate a getaway to European countries.  I know I do.  I think of places like Germany, Spain, and Italy.  And why not?  You see wondrous photos and video of breathtaking scenery in commercials and movies.  And, to paraphrase Eddie Izzard, it's where the history comes from!  There is just so much cool stuff to see in all the different countries.  Why would you not want to experience something like that?  

However, there are tons of places to go in the United States.  Lots of sights and sounds to experience.  And it includes less travel time.  You can also include the countries to the north and south if you so choose.  I think that there are tons of cool places in Canada that you can visit.  I went to Toronto with my family when I was in high school.  I remember enjoying it, but I think that as an adult, you would enjoy it even more.  I suppose the same goes for any place that I have been to when I was a kid.  We took a family road trip when I was in first grade.  We went from Michigan to California.  We made plenty of stops along the way that I don't think I fully appreciated.  Sure, I remember being in Yellowstone, but did I fully grasp the vastness and openness of the park?  Most definitely not.

I suppose if I had my way, I would try to find a way to split an ideal getaway.  Spend time in both the U.S. and Europe.  You could spend a month in each country of Europe or each state in America and still not see everything that each place has to offer.  You would just have to make up an itinerary and priority of each place.   

Myths of Marriage

Remember that one time I thought I was really ambitious and was going to write one hundred and twenty posts in a year?  Yeah, me too.  *silently weeps a little*.  Listen, every time I get done with work I think to myself that I should go home and write something.  Anything.  But I don't have much to write about.  As I was driving to work this weekend, both days, I thought to myself, 'man, I hate people that have office jobs right now.'  They had the holiday weekend off.  They enjoyed the warm weather.  Speaking of which, it has been really warm here the past couple of days and if I hear any Minnesotan complain about the weather because it is too hot after hearing them complain that the weather was too cold this winter, I'm going to throat punch them.  I got a little sidetracked, sorry.  Let's delve into more of these random topics shall we?

What are the biggest myths about marriage?

The first year is hard.  I don't know about anyone else, but the first year of marriage was a breeze.  Maybe it was because it was all new and exciting, but it was not that complicated.  I wrote back in March about how living together made it much easier of a transition into married life because nothing really changed.  I'm sure that if we went back to the first couple of years that we lived together, something that traditionally has been the first year of marriage, I may have a different feeling about it.  But no, the first year wasn't hard.  That's my aspect of it.  I'm sure if you asked my wife, she may have a different opinion.  So why wasn't it hard?  It's only hard if you make it so.  In the first year, you are kind of feeling out how it is to not be a single person anymore.  You are finding out how some decisions are no longer based on just one person.  If you take the time to factor in your spouse and how they will react, then you avoid stupid arguments.  Now, don't get me wrong, my wife and I argue over small things a lot.  Still to this day.  After seven years of marriage.  After living together for thirteen years.  But get your thoughts and feelings out in the open.  They don't do you any good if they sit in the back of your head and stew.

Your spouse has to take your last name.  Traditionally, it happens that when two people get married, they share the same last name.  My wife and I were engaged for just over a year.  In that time, we went back and forth on a few things when it came to our marriage.  We thought about going home for a traditional wedding before settling on going away for it.  By the way, best decision we made.  If you are reading this and you are thinking about doing a destination wedding, DO IT!  Less stress, more about you and not who showed up, plus if you do it right, you have a reception/party back home so you get to dress up twice!  Once we settled on that, the only major decision was the name thing.  Again, my wife went back and forth on taking my last name.  Actually, there wasn't much back and forth.  She thought about it for a split second and though, nah, she liked her name.  It was part of her identity.  And who am I to take that away from her?  I remember having this reaction once she told me that she was going to stick with her name.  I was taken aback.  Even a little angry.  Then I pulled my head out of my ass and realized:  it's just a name.  We were still going to be married.  We were still going to love each other no matter what.  Having my last name or her last name was not going to change any of that.  Plus, from what we understand, there's a lot of paper work involved in changing it.  And fuck that.  Am I right?  There are people that are so excited to take their husband's name (or vice versa) because to them that is part of marriage.  And more power to them.  I'm not going to tell them that they are wrong in doing so.  I just don't think that it needs to happen if someone doesn't want it to. 

You have to have kids.  They cry and scream and eat and shit everywhere.  They do nothing but brood and pout until they are in college and then they call asking for money and don't appreciate you until they are in their thirties.  I know this because I'm in my thirties and I have recently gone through all those stages mentioned previously.  You don't need them if you don't want them.  They don't come as part of the marriage.  It's not in the marriage license.  Trust me, we looked.  And then had it double checked because we wanted to make sure that it was true.  Don't feel pressured that because you are married that kids are the next step.  You always have to do what is best for you.  If you don't want kids, don't have kids.  If you want to have six or seven, first get your head checked, and then go have six or seven kids.

Some of these myths also go along with older traditions.  You look back to the fifties and sixties and traditional marriage was having the same name, raising two and a half kids, going to church every Sunday.  Times change.  People change.  Cultures change.  You cannot expect to pick up a book on marriage and have yours follow that same path.  Every marriage is different.  Yours is going to be different than your parents or your siblings or your best friends.  All you need to know is that marriage works for the two that are involved in it.  And no one else.  If what works best for you is buying a pop up camper and traveling cross country year round doing odd jobs, then guess what, that's marriage.  If it is having a dozen kids that all have names that start with the letter 'B', then that's marriage.  If it is living in a studio apartment in downtown of a major city and it just being the two of you, then that is marriage.  Everyone is different, every marriage is different.  And we are all a bunch of perfect fucking snowflakes looking for that other perfect fucking snowflake to spend the rest of our life with. 

36/120

A Photo To Remember You By

Throwback Thursday has become all the rage on social media recently.  People posting older photos of themselves or others.  It's good for a laugh or to remember an event. 

What's your favorite photo of your partner?

I have two.  One is from our college days so it was taken before digital cameras and camera phones were easily accessible.  We were home for Christmas break and we were at her parents' house.  I don't remember if it was Christmas day or the day after (her birthday), but we took a picture of the two of us standing in front of the tree.  Your typical Christmas time photo.  But that isn't the best picture.  The one that was taken after it is.  As I walked away, she hoped on my back.  I held her there and another photo was taken.  It is a great photo because we are both cracking up and I am trying not to drop her.  It is frame worthy.  I just don't know where it is.  It's around in a photo album or in a cardboard box somewhere. I wish like hell I could find it. 

My other favorite photo of her I took after two of our closest friends got married.  It was the post ceremony, hang out in the church basement to decompress while waiting to go to the reception time.  Anyway, we were just killing time.  Goofing around.  The bride was switching from her formal wedding shoes to her Chuck Taylors for the reception.  You know, the usual stuff.  I took this photo: 

Everyone is always happy at weddings and receptions.  It was a fun night.

BONUS PHOTO!  And this one is for my wife's grandpa, who apparently taught them a great phrase when they were younger.  Take note, don't let kids into the garage when their grandpa is working.

TOUCH HOLE!

27/120

Dream Move

If it's one thing that everyone should do, it's dream big.  Dream job.  Dream vacation.  Dream date.  No matter what.  Because it allows you to escape, even if it is just for a few minutes or hours.  Don't mistake dreaming for something that cannot be achieved.  Another thing to dream about is dream home and town.  Some people might dream about living in downtown New York because of the culture and the city is always moving.  They see themselves as an elite socialite rubbing elbows with celebrities.  Some people might dream about living in a cabin in Montana or Idaho away from it all.  Living a quite and simple life, seeing themselves as the next Henry David Thoreau living in a cabin on a pond.  Every time they step outside, an eagle calls out.  And it's all majestic.  This question is another hypothetical one.

If you had to move where would you like to live?

There's a part of me that wants to live in a bigger area.  I have enjoyed living in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area over the past few years because of all the access we have to things.  Granted, we live on the edge of the metro so to get into the cities to see a game or go to a play it takes twenty to thirty minutes, but the option is always there.  Living in a bigger area, you have access to almost everything you would be looking for.  Shopping, sports, museums, culture.  Growing up in a smaller area, you don't have that.  When I worked for Target, I would tell coworkers that I didn't know what Target was until I was in college and lived right next to one.  The closest one was three hours away.  I grew up not having access to big city amenities, so having them now, I covet them.  You also have the anonymity of the big city.  Unless you know a bunch of people around the area, you are almost out there all on your own.  Not quite so different than living in a cabin out in the woods, but with tall buildings instead of tall trees.

There's also a part of me that wants to live in a smaller area.  You know, leave behind all the hustle and bustle and congestion of the big city for a simpler life style.  Every time we go home for vacation, it's nice knowing that getting across town takes five minutes and rush hour traffic is more closely equated to rush fifteen minutes.  That's nice to have little to no congestion, but you also live far away from practically everything we enjoy living in a larger area.  It also a terrifying idea to live back home and have to rely on Wal-Mart for your everyday grocery needs.  We all know how terrible Wal-Mart is.  To go to a professional sporting event, it's a weekend affair to get somewhere.  Two days of travel and one day for the event.  It is very isolated.  The isolation is nice though.  Other than the metro isolation, you have actual isolation.  Plenty of outdoor life is to be had.  Lots of hunting, fishing, camping, etc. to help let you forget about everything that is city life.  I always feel re-energized when I come back from vacation.  Not because I don't work for a week, but because the time goes by slowly back home.  Everything moves at a much more relaxed pace.  I love that about home.  So it would be nice to move back home.

If I had to pick one of the two, it would be difficult to choose just because both offer so much.  The city appeals to me because it offers the commercial aspects of life.  The small town appeals to me because there are close to no worries.  If I HAD to choose, I think I would go with the small town.  It will always be close to my heart.  The lifestyle is something that we grew up with and is engrained.  You give up everything that big cities have to offer, but if you are happier living away from it all, isn't it worth it?  Of course, in order for this to happen, we would need jobs and stability, which our hometown really doesn't offer quite like a bigger area does.  But that wasn't the question, was it?

26/120

Money Buys Happiness and Discontent

Everyone has it in the back of their mind what they would do if they won the lottery.  Quit their job, buy their dream car, go on vacation.  You hear about the people that win hundreds of millions of dollars in the lottery and think that they are just set for life.  My wife and I always have that conversation of what would we do if we won that kind of money when they show on the news the people that win those multimillion dollar jackpots.  Think of what you could do with that kind of money.  The possibilities are endless.  There is also the bad side to winning the lottery I assume.  

What would you fear most if you won the lottery?

 Every once in a while, we stop and watch the show 'The Lottery Changed My Life' (or whatever it is called).  We talk about what we could and would do when they highlight the people that win the multimillion dollar jackpots.  It starts out with good intentions.  Paying of credit cards, student loans, investing for the future.  Donate to organizations we care about.  Then the question comes up as to what would happen after that.  Because we don't have enough debt to cover as much as some of these people win.  Would we continue to work?  I think so.  I couldn't handle not doing anything for the rest of my life.  Granted, some vacation time would happen first.  And we sure as hell wouldn't work full time.  You know, work twenty hours a week at a low stress job.  Maybe volunteer some time at a museum.  Then the question comes up as to where would we live?  Would we stay in Minnesota?  Move back home to Michigan?  I suggest living out in the middle of nowhere, but that idea gets shot down every time. 

That is all well and good, and actual things to consider, but what about the downside to coming into a lot shit ton of money?  I would fear moving to a small area, like our hometown, because news like that spreads faster than the clap in a frat house.  You don't want to think about this, but crime happens in small towns.  And when news that a multimillionaire moves into town, what do you think would happen?  You also have to be aware of 'friends' that you are making.  You would have the friends that you have had since forever ago and I don't think you would have to worry about them, but when people that wouldn't give you the time of day back in high school wants to hang out all the time, you might want to take time to think about that.  These sound like dire thoughts, but they have to be considered.  You don't want to be taken advantage of.  The obvious answer to this situation is not to publicize the fortune that has fallen upon you.  In order to do that, I would think that you would have to keep up appearances.  Like having a job, not driving around in a flashy new car, not buying the biggest house on the block. 

Being robbed is obviously something to fear if you ever to win the lottery.  But something more so is people wanting to take advantage of you.  Winning the lottery isn't something that happens every day.  People would take notice.  You can only control so much.  Don't throw out many flags and you might possibly avoid some of these situations.  But most likely you won't in which case you can deal with them.  No one forced you to play the lottery.  You have to deal with the consequences. 

25/120

Career of Most Importance

As we neared the end of our college years, my wife and I decided that whoever got the best job, no matter where it was, that was where we would move.  That is how we ended up in Wichita, as she got a job a few months out of college.  With nothing but hope and anxiety we moved.  It worked until she was laid off as a result of the economic down turn.  Even then, it was decided that if she found a job, no matter where, that was where we would move.  It will always be easier for me to find a job working in retail.  With her specific degree and training, it is a little more difficult.  We moved to Minnesota in the hopes that she would find a job in her field as we are in a much bigger metro area.  Well, she found a job, but not exactly in her field.  

Whose job is more important? 

The main impact for importance is normally money.  Who makes more bank?  As long as both parties are working, does it really matter who makes more?  I don't think so.  When we were down in Wichita, my co-workers jokingly referred to my wife as my sugar momma.  She made more than I did, but it was all in good fun.  I would always fire back with a 'don't be jealous that I know how to pick them' type remark.   Fun was had by all.  We have contributed equally to our relationship.  We have both had jobs since college, living what is considered the real world.  By the way, if we had known this is what the real world was like, would any of us have wanted to graduate college?  I think we are passed the age where the man is always going to be in charge of being the sole bread winner.  Husbands and wives are going out into the workforce and sometimes the wife makes more.  Yes, yes, I know all about the wage discrepancies between men and women, I am just stating that both genders are out in full force in the working world.   

You can look at the 'more important job' in a different light as well.  Which job has better health benefits?  Which job has a great retirement plan?  Which job provides benefits and discounts?  You know, the important things that exists outside of the work environment and the paycheck.  I would think that the higher paying job would correlate with better benefits, but there might be instances where it is not the case.  Money is always going to be made, it is the perks and benefits that can really distinguish which job is more important.  And that is because life outside of work is more important than work itself.

What it all boils down to is that as long as both jobs are enjoyable, that is what is important.  Lame, I know.  Like, greeting card lame.  But if you are not happy with your job, and you have an opportunity to be happy, is it not important to get to where you are happy?  That doesn't mean quit your job because it sucks right now or this week or this month, that means that maybe it is time to start looking.  Look for what you feel strongly about or what you are passionate about.  Those are the types of jobs that are important.  

 24/120

D.I.N.Ks Unite!

In an attempt to write more, I am using a set of cards with conversation starters on them to write about new topics.  The first post like this was well received, so this feels like something I will be using for the foreseeable future.  Plus, this gets me to write about things I might otherwise think about writing about.  So, onto the next topic.  Shall we?

Is there a reason to get married if you don't intend to have children?

For the most part, I think that when people get married, one thing that is discussed is children.  How many to have, when to have them, what to name them.  I am sure that the list goes on and on.  If the couple is super crazy, they start discussing school districts before even conceiving.  That's just part of being married isn't it?  Procreating.  You grow up, go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, die.  And pay taxes the entire way.

But what if you don't want to have kids?  My wife and I have been married for just under seven years.  All the while, we have talked about not wanting kids.  It's not that we hate kids, it's just that right now we aren't in a place to have them.  Who wants to have a newborn baby in a one bedroom apartment?  I mean, the closet is big enough for a crib, but where would we put our clothes?  I kid, I kid.  Don't yell at me.  Right now, we are enjoying being D.I.N.Ks (double income, no kids).  Who knows, maybe after we get into a house our tune might change, but for now it stays as it always has been:  no kids.  But we knew, going into our marriage, that we didn't want to have kids.  That didn't stop us from getting married, and I don't know if that should stop anyone from doing so.  

Is there a reason to get married if you don't plan on having kids?  I first saw this question and thought it was absolute bullshit.  I didn't marry my wife because we did or didn't want kids.  I married her because we love each other and committed ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives.  Not because our focus was to start procreating.  Besides, you don't have to be married to have kids.  Just throwing it out there.  Kids tend to be a byproduct of marriage.  You get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.  You get married to enjoy life with someone else.  Kids are secondary.  I'm sure that there are people out there that want noting more than to settle down and have kids.  Others, like us, want to focus on ourselves first.  It's good to get a few years under your belt as a married couple.  Get into the habit of being an actual adult.  In the real world.  With a married partner and a job.  You don't need to have kids when you are married. 

Just like with everything we do in life, you have to do what makes you and your partner happy.  If having a bunch of kids makes you happy, then don't let anything stop you from doing so.  If you want to spend the rest of your life traveling around the country and don't have to worry about the kids burning the house to the ground, don't have any kids.  You can still get married even if you don't want to have kids.  I don't understand where this notion comes from?  Is it because this is what we grew up seeing?  Our parents and extended family having kids?  So that must be the norm, right?  It might be a generational situation as well.  I suppose you could look at censuses from the past sixty years to check the trend of married couples having children and if there is a pattern.  

21/120

Prenuptial Co-habitation

I don't remember when or where, but we ended up with these cards called 'table top topics' that have statements written on them and they are meant to start conversations.  I'm going to use these for writing topics because I live a boring life and don't have a lot to write about.  Except sports, I do enjoy sports.  But I don't want this to be specifically about sports, I want more than that.  There are a wide variety of topics on these cards ranging from relationships, financial, sex, values.  Plus, these topics could be great for actual conversations.  So here's the first one.  Enjoy.

 'Is it a good idea to live together before marriage?'

I want to write about my own experience first.  My wife and I have lived together ever since our sophomore year of college.  So, 2001.  Thirteen years we have lived together.  It was cheaper to live off campus, even with the cost of bills for food, trash, electricity, etc.  We didn't live together year round because we went back home for the summer, but for the most part, we shared a living space.  Nine months out of the year.  And we have always lived in apartments because of financial reasons.  Whether it is because we were in college, just starting out, or reeling from her being laid off, we have always rented.  Which sucks.  So not only have we lived together, but it has always been in close quarters.  To say there is little privacy is a vast understatement.  We both want to get into a house and make it our own, but we don't want to go into debt doing so.  We want to be smart about it.  Home ownership is another beast all on it's own.  

Living together before marriage allows you to get those bumpy years out of the way.  Little arguments that can put a stress on the early years of marriage can be hashed out while you are not burdened with the real world.  Who wants to deal with arguing over who cooks and cleans while also having to worry about work?  No one I know.  In our case of living together in college, we had that to fall back on.  We were both full time students so there was very little time (outside of weekends) where we were just sitting around staring at each other.  And even during the weekend, we were engrossed with school work.  We had different schedules so there were times when we were both at home, both at class, or one of us was alone.  And that being alone part is crucial.  It gives you time to cut back and relax.  To walk around naked if you were so inclined.  But it was always nice when the other person came home.  It was like playing husband and wife before we actually were husband and wife.  

Living together before marriage also allows you to set up routines so when you do get married, normal life awaits you.  Oh sure, there is the honeymoon period where being married is new and exciting, but if you have lived together, there is already stability.  Personally, I like routine.  I like stability.  When watching shows where people are buying houses before living together, I cringe a little bit.  My mind goes to the 'well, what happens when you break up or your marriage falls apart' place.  Dark, I know.  I don't always have a happy outlook on life.  If your life falls apart because you didn't know things about your partner's living style and that is what put all this stress on your relations, you are now stuck with this house and mortgage.  That would just straight up suck.

To counter all this talk about stability and routines, isn't part of the early years of marriage and living together is the fun and excitement of finding out about one another?  To which I say, true statement.  It is part of growing up and learning from each other.  And it can be fun at times.  It can also be stressful and scary.  There are times when you probably just want to yell and scream at each other because of the stuff they do around the house.  The stupid shit (as you see it) that they have done each and every day around the house just another thing that they do in their eyes.  And vice versa.  Getting to know each other and their living style after marriage is fun and exciting, but you can learn from each other even after living together.

19/120