Your Child Runs Your Life, Not Mine

I have seen this article linked by a few people on social media.  I read it, re-read it, and thought, what about those of us who do not have kids?  I'm not going to yell and kick and scream about how horrible this article is or if it offended me (it didn't).  It is a nice piece of writing, there is some good advice, but I am going to write a few things about what parents should not say to non-parents.  I one hundred percent realize that the article comes from a website that is all about being a parent.  Everyone needs their own community.  I have plenty of friends and family that are in the midst of growing their family, and I support their decision to do so.  But there are those of us who don't have kids, and to be quite honest, I have gotten to the point that I just skip right over social media posts that are two paragraphs long revolving around your children.  Sorry (not sorry).

When are you going to have kids?  I have heard this question many, many times since we got married.  Not everyone wants kids.  Not everyone can have kids.  How bad would you feel if you asked one of your friends this question and they broke down into crying hysterics because they were unable to conceive?  Wouldn't you feel like a complete asshole?  We have never really wanted to have kids.  And like I have said in the past, our thoughts on children might change down the road, but for right now, we do not want kids.  We are happy being child free.  We can make plans to go out for dinner and be in the car in two minutes.  We do not have to herd the brood of offspring just to go out to eat or see a movie.

Do you not like kids?  Just because we do not have kids does not mean we do not like kids.  I have one nephew and three nieces.  I love them all very much.  We have friends that have kids and they are great.  Just because we do not want to have kids right now doesn't mean we do not like them.  Granted, there are times when I cannot stand kids.  For example, they run around the store I work at grabbing glass vases or crawling over the furniture.  I do not blame the kids for that, I blame the parents that are not paying attention to their kids.  

Don't you want to know what is going on with my child?  No.  Keep that personal stuff to yourself.  I don't know how others feel about this, but I do not want to know about your child's bowel movements.  Or their ability to shit so much that it leaks out all over a car seat or their clothes or your clothes.  I do not want to know that your child has learned to use the toilet.  I do not want to know about your blocked milk ducts or your pumping regiment. 
 
Could you not swear around the children?  I do my best not to swear a lot when kids are around, especially when they are old enough to repeat words.  If you have a newborn laying on the floor like a sack of potatoes, do not expect me to say 'darn' instead of 'damn'.  Do not censor me.  One great thing about not having children is the fact that I can swear without dealing with consequences.  Take, for example, a phrase that is spoken frequently in our household.  'Fuck you A.J. Pierzynski you fucking piece of shit.' (It is said more often than you would think.). I did not have to double check the room like your co-worker that's about to tell a racist joke he heard from his racist uncle to make sure a child did not hear me say it who would then go on to repeat those wonderful, wonderful words in school.  I know not every parent changes their vocabulary when they have kids, but to be told not to say things like 'damn' and 'shit' because your children are like little parrots, that's not my problem.  Like I said, I watch my language when I am around kids for the most part, I don't need someone else to do it as well.

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