It was about a year ago that I came out against all things pumpkin spice. It has become a fun back and forth with my sister and others that are absolutely in love with the fall flavor. I stand by the fact that I enjoy things like pumpkin bread/muffins. I even enjoy the smell of pumpkin candles, but when you start to see cereal, coffee, coffee creamer, pizza, tobacco maybe it has gone a little too far. So as a joke in reaction to my sister posting some pumpkin spice thing to me on social media, I said that pumpkin spice things caused climate change. Now it's time to build a humorous case against pumpkin spice in the defense of the earth. This is all written tongue in cheek. Nothing I write is scientifically true, but if for some reason I 'disappear' you all know I am on to something and the Pumpkin Spice Industrial Complex must be stopped!
In order to get the appropriate amount of pumpkin flavoring, the number of pumpkin patches and farms has skyrocketed over the past five years. What is not known is that when the pumpkins are harvested and processed methane gas and carbon dioxide are released into the air. The machines that are used to process the pumpkins and mix the pumpkin with all the spices to get your favorite fall flavor are powered by coal. This causes the temperatures to rise not just intermittently but it has a long lasting impact on the climate. The gases stay trapped in the atmosphere raising the temperatures around the world throughout the year.
It all comes full circle because with the climate changing and pumpkin crops not being as fruitful as they have been in previous years, farmers are having to plant more in the hopes of getting a harvest that rivals previous years. As the pumpkin patches expand, trees are cut down, other fruits and vegetables are no longer planted to make way for the pumpkins. This in turn causes more of the gas to be released into the air. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Not only do we have the gases in the sky from all the processing, but with the pumpkin patches and farms getting larger, the farmers are cutting back on other fruits and vegetables to keep up with the pumpkin demand. We will have less green beans, less corn, less carrots, potatoes, etc. Not only will we have a shortage in all these fine foods, but the cost will skyrocket. Now we're getting into the economic change all caused because you wanted pumpkin spiced Cheerios.
Pretty soon, it's gonna look like Mad Max times all across the world. You are all doing this to yourselves. Stop the climate change! Save the earth! Stop buying pumpkin spice things!
Okay, that was fun to write....
No comments:
Post a Comment