'Is it a good idea to live together before marriage?'I want to write about my own experience first. My wife and I have lived together ever since our sophomore year of college. So, 2001. Thirteen years we have lived together. It was cheaper to live off campus, even with the cost of bills for food, trash, electricity, etc. We didn't live together year round because we went back home for the summer, but for the most part, we shared a living space. Nine months out of the year. And we have always lived in apartments because of financial reasons. Whether it is because we were in college, just starting out, or reeling from her being laid off, we have always rented. Which sucks. So not only have we lived together, but it has always been in close quarters. To say there is little privacy is a vast understatement. We both want to get into a house and make it our own, but we don't want to go into debt doing so. We want to be smart about it. Home ownership is another beast all on it's own.
Living together before marriage allows you to get those bumpy years out of the way. Little arguments that can put a stress on the early years of marriage can be hashed out while you are not burdened with the real world. Who wants to deal with arguing over who cooks and cleans while also having to worry about work? No one I know. In our case of living together in college, we had that to fall back on. We were both full time students so there was very little time (outside of weekends) where we were just sitting around staring at each other. And even during the weekend, we were engrossed with school work. We had different schedules so there were times when we were both at home, both at class, or one of us was alone. And that being alone part is crucial. It gives you time to cut back and relax. To walk around naked if you were so inclined. But it was always nice when the other person came home. It was like playing husband and wife before we actually were husband and wife.
Living together before marriage also allows you to set up routines so when you do get married, normal life awaits you. Oh sure, there is the honeymoon period where being married is new and exciting, but if you have lived together, there is already stability. Personally, I like routine. I like stability. When watching shows where people are buying houses before living together, I cringe a little bit. My mind goes to the 'well, what happens when you break up or your marriage falls apart' place. Dark, I know. I don't always have a happy outlook on life. If your life falls apart because you didn't know things about your partner's living style and that is what put all this stress on your relations, you are now stuck with this house and mortgage. That would just straight up suck.
To counter all this talk about stability and routines, isn't part of the early years of marriage and living together is the fun and excitement of finding out about one another? To which I say, true statement. It is part of growing up and learning from each other. And it can be fun at times. It can also be stressful and scary. There are times when you probably just want to yell and scream at each other because of the stuff they do around the house. The stupid shit (as you see it) that they have done each and every day around the house just another thing that they do in their eyes. And vice versa. Getting to know each other and their living style after marriage is fun and exciting, but you can learn from each other even after living together.
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