Part one and a description of what these posts are about can be found here. Enjoy.
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The one thing I remember from ice fishing as a kid is losing the feeling in my toes. Every single time. I could wear wool socks and regular socks and another pair of wool socks.
They would always go numb. I don't understand why. Being in a shanty with the propane heater.
It never failed. Just looking down the hole, watching the fish gather around the wiggler. Hoping for the big one to take it, but it never did. It was always the smaller ones. The best times can be so miserable.
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'It always made me feel good going home during school breaks.'
'Yeah, it was nice to sleep in my own bed. Not some dorm room concentration camp type bunk.
'Well, that too.'
What were you talking about?'
'Whenever we go out to the bars and see everyone who didn't get out.'
'What about 'em?'
'It makes me happy. And sad. They are stuck here drinking their lives away. Working at gas stations and connivance stores. It's sad that it happens. But to whom it happened to makes me happy.'
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I've only dealt with death a few times in my life. It didn't affect me at all. It was just one of those things that happens. Great Uncle So and So, Second Cousin Johnny, people you haven't seen in years. The people you met once when you were ten years old. How do you respond to that?
Okay.
That's too bad.
So.
That sucks.
You don't want to appear insensitive but at what point do you draw the line? Is it okay to not shed a tear for your second cousin, but have an emotional break down for a grandparent's ex-wife who was still awkwardly close to the family?
The lines need to be defined, but every person reacts so differently. To be emotionally cold is the way to be.
When I was nine, my dad's mom died. I don't remember him being outwardly upset. Maybe that is the way I am. In control on the outside, but deep down falling apart with grief and agony. I like that idea. A facade to show the world how strong you really are.
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